HA. Ok, the soapbox is put away and I promise this is going somewhere. I was foolish enough to believe for a second that I had it bad. That thought alone sent me into laughter from tears. And all this rambling has led me to make a list of sorts, as to why I am lucky. I intend to read it anytime I feel like I am less than someone else. So, this is why I am the richest person in Raleigh, eating Ramen soup...
I've watched Mexican sunrise in a stranger's arms. I sat alone on my balcony just to appreciate the eerie silence of a snowstorm. I've lost a parent... and gained a better one. I've looked in someone's eyes and broken their heart, all the while hearing my own shatter inside me. I've gotten really dirty riding four-wheelers and camped out. I've cooked dinner for my mom. My friends have made me the life of the party only to watch me make a complete ass out of myself. When I fall, I laugh at myself and hope someone saw. Erica had a broken heart, and I made it a little easier with a Hershey bar and a smile. My mom took me to the lake's beach in the middle of the night just to watch a meteor shower... and moved the couch in front of the windows so we could watch the first thunderstorm of spring. I've completely let go and fallen, only to crawl my way back amongst "I told you so's" Friends have walked out of my life and I went and found them. Some, only to remember why they were gone and others to forget how I ever lived with them. I've been the one that got away... and stuck with it. I graduated. I've made $500.00 in a night slinging drinks and made a sandwich out of frozen waffles because I bought beer instead of bread. Waited hours for the phone to ring, and hung up when the bastard finally called. Had beer and cheese fries with my brother at a Yankee game... and we don't even like the Yankees. I've had surgery, a couple times. So I know I'm not invincible. I've kissed a stranger and walked away. Jumped in a pool with all my clothes on and moved to the beach on a whim. Stayed up all night talking so many times I can't count. I followed a boy to another state, now I know better. Seen the effects war has on the mind and on love. I've partied in NYC at posh club and realized an old pub is where I belong. I quit smoking. I am able to talk to my Mom about anything, with minimal judgement. I appreciate red wine. I enjoyed a thanksgiving where the first one was celebrated. I drove the east coast by myself. And I make damn good cakes. My taste in music is impeccable, with a few questionable songs thrown in for nostalgic reasons only. You do it too. I found the love of my life and pushed him away. I got him back. I raised a puppy and found my own sense of style. I have my dream car. A wonderful man fell in love with my mother, and decided he could love me, too. I've drank too much, I haven't taken enough pictures and I have more love inside of me than I know what to do with. For everyone. Whether I've met you once or if you've been there from the beginning. So, I am good. I have lived a lifetime in 25 years but haven't scratched the surface.
I wrote this for myself, to be a reminder of the good things. Some things I mentioned may not necessarily be good or smart, but they made me. And I couldn't be happier with that. But I hope it could help someone else, to do this same thing I have. To see how heavily the pros really do out-weigh the cons. Because most become the same over time, just lessons learned. So now, when my "dream" job as fallen out from under me, I am lucky because I get to create a new dream, with farther reaching goals. Armed with confidence, love and blind determination, I will make my dent and make sure you know it.
I find that blogging (public journaling) is theraputic. Also, a great way to pass time whilst being unemployed :-)
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